I never wanted this to be a place where I came to write solely about Dementia. I wanted this to be a place where I wrote about everything that doesn’t fit on my other outlets. There are so many more things in the world to drag me down, but still I find myself writing about Aggie and her version of Alzheimers. Perhaps that is because in the grand scheme of my life, that is the thing that weighs upon me the heaviest.
While most people go shopping or lunching with their friends, I’ve spent the day avoiding arguments and stuck up to my elbows cleaning toilets and doing household chores, before making everyone’s tea and then tidying up all over again, ain’t life grand.
We had a visit from the Dementia Care Team, who my poor deluded Sister thought were going to come in and make my life amazingly better, despite me telling her not to be so ridiculous. But what does she care anyway, she’s currently on a weeks holiday in the Sun, nice eh, I’d love one of those. As I predicted there is nothing they can do for dear old Aggie at present. They should however have given Bert (her husband) a Valium or two, because in answering the questions he inadvertently pissed her off, he is still to this day not sure of what he said, and she didn’t speak to him for about a week! You’d think it would be a blessing in disguise right? but not so, the atmosphere was fucking horrendous.
Everything is a fight, and I know I should sometimes be more forgiving and tolerant, but I’m tired, I have the onset of old lady hormones and I’m just plain flat out fucking fed up of it all.
Tablets are the newest battle. If I need to give a gentle reminder and tell her she needs to take her tablets, you would think I had asked her to eat her dinner whilst standing on her head. Here’s the thing, I couldn’t care less if she takes them because she is her own person and I cannot force them down her throat, but I’m damn sure that no one is going to come and tell me she was neglected and I never tried, because that is just not the case. As much as I rant and rave, I want to her to have as long a life in this world as I can.
Today was particularly volatile, she threw something at me, but that’s the first in a long time. It’s funny but I think since they gave her the pills that are ‘allegedly’ meant to help her, she has been worse. Her mood swings certainly have been anyway.
Bert wondered if perhaps with the Care Team coming she thought she was going to be put in a home. I reminded Bert that if things ever progress drastically then that’s what we will have to do, but for now it’s not an option. Little does she realise that this team are the people who will work to try and keep her at home, but if she is skipping tablets and won’t let anyone assist then I am going to have to say something to someone.
Mentally it’s draining and physically it’s draining too and when I have to be cruel to be kind, my stomach is in knots. The the thing is when Aggie is in a good mood everything runs quite smoothly, but when she is not, the whole world knows about it, Dementia it would appear has robbed her of her facial filters and some of her vocal ones too.
….and people tell me not to worry about the future….yeah…ummm….thanks and fuck off!